What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I am one with the molecules
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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