Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
