It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm bleeding and have questions
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
