It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
