theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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