Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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