you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
