He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
