I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
