3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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