winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
