It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Boobs are out for the taking
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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