i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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