Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
