is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
