party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
