remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
