It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
