Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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