this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
