there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
