You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
