I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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