I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
