you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
