Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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