Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
