Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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