Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
