Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
