Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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