White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
