i wish starbucks made bloody marys
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
