And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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