Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
