I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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