you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
