SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
