Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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