Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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