if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
