I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
