my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
