Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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