Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
