Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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