Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
