All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
