Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
