hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
