This is not my ceiling
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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